I guess you’ve known me longer than I’ve known you. You forced yourself onto me and I didn’t even know it until about two months ago. But two months with you feels like an eternity.
I thought you were going to break me. Maybe even break the people I cherish most in life. You didn’t. And you won’t.
When I found out you were waging a war within me I felt betrayed. I thought I knew myself – I thought I knew my body. I felt safe…felt normal. And you almost stripped me of that security. But you didn’t. I won’t let you.
You made me cry out of anger and you unearthed the darkest thoughts I never knew were hiding in the corners of my mind. You made my eyes well up with pain and sadness not just because of what you were doing to me, but because of what you were doing to my family and my friends. People who would be helping me carry the weight you selfishly threw at me. Humans who knew your kind and had already suffered at your hands. But there is power in numbers and you cannot penetrate the shield we have created. We won’t allow it.
Don’t get me wrong – you’ve been plenty effective in other aspects of my life. When I decided that I wouldn’t let your venom seep further into my world something beautiful happened. I realized that the shackles you placed on my wrists were easy to shed because your only power was my fear and my anger. And I wasn’t going to feed you anymore.
I believe in myself more than ever. I believe in living life hour by hour, day by day. There is so much clarity in giving away the control I thought was required to live effectively and efficiently. You challenged me and I challenge you right back. While you try to brew a perfect storm, I shower you with serenity and gratitude. Even as I fight you – as I evict you -I see the good in you.
Your watch will soon end – oh you’re not a ‘Game of Thrones’ fan? UGH. Of course, you aren’t… this is why no one likes you. What I’m saying is that in just a few months it’ll be goodbye. I hope it’s for good, but at least this chapter between us will close.
It’s been real. Way too real. So…thank you. And also, fuck you.